1st Quarter

This is going to be a picture...enjoy...the first quarter is over...and somehow it did only seem like 15 minutes. Where does the time go? Kate's back to work update will be soon.

3 months old.

Bumbo.

She shoots....

Daddy's Girl.

xo,

J & K

Love letter

I read a lot of Mommy blogs these days. They keep me sane and I love the stories. This one made me laugh and cry...this letter was written to me...and I imagine...someone else out there too.

Enjoy...and if you're not a New Mama, this can explain a lot about your friends that are.

Also, there will be a real Leffler Life update soon with pictures of our sweet baby girl...

Love,
Kate

Copied from http://apronstringz.wordpress.com/

A Love Letter to New Mamas
March 20, 2011 by Calamity Jane

Dear you,
I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately.

I’ve been thinking about how crazy our broken up lives are, all separate and sequestered behind our closed doors. I’ve been thinking about my first year as a mama, how isolated and confused I felt. And I’ve been thinking about you out there, alone behind your door.
The world you used to inhabit has fallen into pieces at your feet, like so many mismatched socks. The friends you used to spend days lazing in the sun with, plotting the overthrow of The Man or a hike in the mountains with equal fervor. The friends who now kindly tolerate the drastically downscaled walks, the baby fussing during potlucks, the constantly interrupted conversations. And then go back to their quiet, own homes and self-structured lives.

You try to explain what your life is like now. Why you feel so dragged out. But it always comes out like bitching.

You don’t mean to be bitching. About your tiny, beautiful unfurling flesh of flesh. If it’s difficult to explain how hard this new life has made your own, explaining the surge of devotion for it is all but impossible.

You search for a new friend. A mama. Someone who understands the caged feeling that strangles you daily, the guilt that crushes, the fury that lights in you sometimes like wildfire, and terrifies you no less. Someone who understands as well the spiking joy. The immeasurable sweetness of that tiny new soul birthed from your body, taking shape in the world. The quaking in your heart when she stares wide open into your eyes. The way her body yields to yours, trusts you entire. Someone who understands the roller coaster that is your life.

But everyone else seems to be doing fine. The other moms have their shit together. They play with their kids, clean the house, make dinner, all with a smile. Don’t they? Or are you just recalling movie moms? I myself look back and try to count the moms I’ve actually known in my life, on a personal level.

Two.

Did they have babies when I knew them?

No.

You feel the rug ripping from under you, and wonder suddenly how you can be 30 years old and have no idea what babies or their mamas are like.

In your loneliness you look to the Wide World. You nurse your baby to sleep in your lap while staring into that glowing screen of possibility.

If real life is peopled by mamas who appear to be surviving so much better than you, the cyberworld is full of super-heroines. Blog after blog, written by cool, green mamas. They wake in the morning perky and fresh. They craft colorful happy things out of wool before the children wake up. They prepare healthful homemade breakfasts. They take their kids on walks in natural landscapes, which they photograph in macro. They sew their own cloth diapers. Make their own whole grain breads. That they never scream at their kids is a given. Never fight with their man about money. Never swear. Never forget their reusable cloth grocery bags.

These super-mamas are a curse and a blessing. You’re addicted to the fantasy they peddle. But, this is your first baby, you don’t know yet that it’s a fantasy. You think it’s just you that’s failing. Just you who screams at the baby at 2 AM to go the fuck to sleep. Just you who bread dough won’t rise for. Just you who can never for the life of you remember to bring the goddamned grocery bags.

I have three very important things to tell you, dear new mama.

1. It is fantasy. It’s a tale we blogstresses spin, for ourselves as much as anyone else. In the cyberworld you can choose your character. You can construct just the person you always wanted to be, and carefully photograph your proof. Anyone would want to show their best self to the world. To focus on the positive, turn toward their sweetness.But the outcome of our selective presentation is that we all look to one another and see nothing like the tangled ball of dark threads inside our own secret heart. And the rift grows.I call our bluffs! All of them! I speak brazenly for all bloggers, who carry closets full of everything. We are you. We try and fail daily, hourly. We are doing what we can with what we have.

2. The insanity eases. Motherhood is a slow stretching– of what you know to be true, of what you think yourself capable– and the beginning can be the most painful. No matter how much you think you might be drowning, you’ll be okay. You’ll make it. Babies grow. It will get easier.

3. Cut yourself some slack. A lot of slack. However much slack you need. If you are just now awakening to the green, DIY revolution in homemaking that I champion herein, cut yourself several extra fathoms. If you lived a passionately self-made life full of responsible action before, understand that you will slip– possibly all the way back down– for awhile. That’s okay. There’ll be time later to build or re-build. Babies need you so completely at first. Surrender yourself for now.

And in the meantime. Read all the inspiring, edited stories of mamas who kick ass. Enjoy them for what they are– a celebration of the good parts. Know that in private they fall short, several times a day. Just like you. They are discouraged and disillusioned and ravaged by guilt sometimes. They soar on the ecstasy of motherhood sometimes. They do it all with a smile. They say fuck the world from under the covers and order out pizza for dinner.

Their life is a roller coaster.

Our lives are a roller coaster.

Here’s your ticket.

2 Months Old!

In honor of the Oscars on Sunday...
"and our little girl, who's taught me so much more than I'll ever be able to teach her."
~ Christian Bale



It's going by so fast...Allie Grace turned 2 months old this week. I was telling a friend that I don't know if it's gotten easier, or if we've just adapted. Most likely the latter, right? We've gotten to know each other well.

Things she loves are sleep (thank God), her play mat, the swing, being in the car, the paci, taking pictures with Tinsley, the vibrating bouncey chair, breastfeeding, the hiccups (not sure she loves them but she sure doesn't mind the 5 or 6 times a day that they occur), and shower/bath time. I know we shouldn't give her a bath every night, but she loves it so much I can't help myself. I'm also hoping this will make her love the water, just like we do.

Things she hates are lotion, the bottle (we're working on this), tummy time (also working on), the straps on her carseat being so tight and we found out today that she hates shots at the doctor.

We're learning more everyday. My only regret so far is not getting the swing out before this week...it may have been a lifesaver a few times...oh well...next time we know.

We took our first roadtrip last week. Allie Grace, my mom, and I went to Asheville, NC to visit our family. It went very well. Allie Grace slept the entire way in the car both ways, I did wake her up to feed her when we stopped to eat or go to the bathroom. Overall the visit in Asheville was wonderful and I'm so glad that my grandmother, Burney, was able to meet her. Thanks for having us Bea and Pete. The pictures below are of Allie Grace and her second cousins. A side note about car trips with an infant: Our next family car will have leather seats! Easy clean up of bodily fluids is a must!

I'm am reluctantly going back to work on April 4. I know I will be "ready" when the time comes...but the anticipation of it is very scary. I have trouble leaving her in the nursery at church when I'm 25 yards away in the sanctuary. I also had trouble leaving her at my best friend's house for 20 minutes while I dropped Jake off somewhere. A friend pointed out that Allie Grace and I were literally attached for 9 months and have since been no less than a few feet apart, so it's only natural to feel that way.

I know she will learn so much more at day care than she can staying home with me. It's the right thing for our family and small family business. As many of you know, my family owns a Landscaping Distribution and Retail Garden Center in Ashland, VA called Colesville Nursery...and Spring is our busiest time of year. In the very slow Winter months, we long for the busy days of Spring...but once it's here, we usually can't wait for it to be over because of the amount of stress it can bring on. Luckily, everyone knows I'll need a little more flexibility than usual for a while.

Enjoys the pics...until next time...

xo,
Kate

Jake and Allie Grace wore matching outfits!

I just love this picture...not sure why, but it really captures her calmness.

I love her so much.

Constant progress

The title of this post, as you may have noticed, has absolutely nothing to do with the frequency of our blog updates. It has lots to do with Allie Grace, however, who seems to be growing at an exponential rate. She is currently with her mommy in ashville, NC visiting with family, an I fully anticipate being blown away by how much she has changed once she gets home. Not all of her progress is easily recordable in blog form: her ability to hold her head up slightly longer than the day before, the way she tracks objects with her eyes, the way she has started to sleep over 5 consecutive hours starting this week (this is mommy's favorite type of progress), but we notice and appreciate each development. However, I would venture to say that the most dramatic change has occurred in myself and Kate. The night we took Allen home we were both a terrified mess. And while i won't say that we completely have it together now, each day we figure out a little bit more. Each day presents new challenges, and we will continue to grow with each change as it comes.

Below are three pictures, from Allie's first, fourth, and sixth weeks of life. My favorite is the middle picture, because I feel like the image of Kate tells a story of what we are going through. She is tired, but incredibly happy and completely in love. Allie, meanwhile, is just kinda hanging out (evidenced further by the third photo). Kate has really become an amazing mother (way better than she will ever give herself credit for).




I've also included a few videos from the vault. The first is a video of when Allie first came home and we introduced her to Tinsley. I call this one "you can't make a dog act like you want it to, especially if you are filming her"




The second is a video of Allie during "tummy time" that I entitled "Daddy needs to learn how to hold a video camera"





That's all for now. Til next time.

-J

More Good Days

"He is 4 weeks old today. That means, we've kept him alive for one month and neither of us have run away from home. AND the dog is still alive. I think that means we've been somewhat successful."

- http://www.asavvymom.com/

Allie turns 1 month old at 11:49am today. (Happy 1 month old day, Allie Grace!) We've survived...and we feel accomplished because of it. There have been many moments of weakness and strength, where the worst moments of weakness are becoming more distant in our memories. Oddly enough, we have an AMAZINGLY EASY baby, but it's still been quite a bit of culture shock...I can't help but believe that God helped us out in that department, because of the other complications that came up and the emotional roller coaster I had just hopped on.

The first three weeks were the hardest for me. I had a horrible infection in my incision and breastfeeding just wasn't working for us. The only time Allie Grace would cry was when she was feeding...which, as my mother in law put it..."is bass ackwards." Babies should STOP crying when being fed. Since then,I made one more appointment with the lactation consultant and now we've been on the up and up with feedings. I would actually say it's going very well! My advice to mothers who want to give up...just KEEP GOING. It will get better. IT WILL GET BETTER! Also, use the tools available to you to help. There are reasons things like Boppies, Brest Friends, and yes, nipple shields were invented. Sure, it's not as natural as you imagined in your perfect breastfeeding world, but it's not the rest of your life...it's probably the next 6 to 9 months. Lactation consultants are also the best things since sliced bread. They are so supportive and give you advice that actually works. You can probably find a pediatrician's office that keeps one or several on staff. If you're in the Richmond area, Pediatric Associates of Richmond is a top notch Peds office.

SO, we're also in the clear of the baby blues...for now. I felt like such a freak the first few weeks. I needed to reintroduce myself to society. I would have a meltdown at the sign of any conflict or anything that would happen unexpectedly. This caused a lot of embarrasment, especially when it would happen in public. I know now (now that the meltdowns aren't as frequent...though they are still happening occassionaly), that they are just uncontrollable and I'm not crazy. It's JUST the hormones that come with childbirth.

This past week, we were literally "out and about." Every day we planned something to do. We could have done most of the errands in one day...but I spread them out over a few days so we'd have an excuse to leave the house. Driving again has really helped. Though very grateful for the help and support, I didn't enjoy relying on others to take us places.

Other milestones for AGL and her sleep deprived parents:

1. We went to the movies with the little nugget. Yep, we found out that The King's Speech had an 11:10am showing at our favorite theater...no doubt the showing with the least amount of people. SO, I fed her until she was "drunk" and off we went...she slept the whole time and we really enjoyed the movie. We had some pretty weird looks from people and I heard one girl say..."Oh my God, they brought their baby here." She'll know one day that it is doable and whatever it takes to avoid cabin fever with a new baby is worth trying. Also, apparently our parents' generation did this all the time.

2. Allie Grace is sleeping 4-5 hours at a time at night. WOW. Pretty impressive. We've made a few adjustments to our night time routine so that she starts to recognize night time behavior. Dr. Oz says it's never too early to start a sleep routine, but keep your expectations low. They are learning how to live and habits and routines take time to establish.

3. Allie and I have had "a feeding" in public. YIKES. No shame and no modesty here. We covered up...but it is definitely something that takes some practice. It takes a bit of coreography and thought process beforehand as well. You have to ask yourself questions like "Can I reach everything I might need in the next 30 minutes from this position?" Usually the answer is "No," by the way.

That's all for now, folks. We'll be updating with pics more and more and less with words, but we'll give the occassional first time parent story here and there too!

xo,

Kate (& Jake)

A New Mom's Great Expectations

Hi Everyone! Sorry it's been a while! I'm here, alive and well...Who knew that caring for a newborn was tough stuff?! AND time consuming! We're getting into a little routine and we are for the most part, and getting on the same page with eating and sleeping...today we are anyway.

I did have a somewhat fairy tale idea of "bringing home baby." Let me just say that nothing will prepare you for your first couple of days at home. They are complete chaos. I've never felt so inadequate and unqualified in my life, as I did on New Year's Eve 2010 when we brought Allie Grace home. We got through it, with a lot of tears on my part... and now it is 2 weeks later...and I think we're adjusting pretty well.

There have been many unforeseen speed bumps. First speed bump was the C-Section delivery - the second...a staph infection that had the pleasure of showing up a week later in the form of a burst abscess in my living room. Thank GOD my wonderful mother in law, Mary, was there and remained very calm. Everything is going well with that now...and we are tackling the breastfeeding challenge every 2-3 hours. I wish I had known just how hard it is to get used to. Everyone says "it's the most natural thing in world...etc." But I am here to tell you it is not easy and doesn't feel that "natural." I know in my heart that the harder Allie Grace and I work at it, the easier it will be.

Other than that we are sitting tight, we have a lot of help and support...sometimes we are still in shock that this little bundle of joy is ours. She is a very relaxed, go with the flow baby so far, no doubt a trait she got from her father and not yours truly.

xoxo,

K

Time (is wasting), Time (is walking)

So, babies take a lot of time. Not that this is a huge revelation, since the one things that every parent tells you when you're expecting is "get used to not sleeping". You just don't realize how incredibly inconvenient it is having to do something every 2 hours that takes 30-40 minutes. It makes it hard to schedule anything outside of the house. Luckily for us, there is a photographer who visits each of the parents while their still in hospital to take professional photos; because there is no way that we would have had the time or energy to go out and do this ourselves. Like I told Kate, I would have paid the costs of these photos to not go someplace and take them. But anyway, a selection of the photos from the shoot are below (we had to save a few for the announcements).

Also, Kate says she's going to do a blog post on the adventures of being a new mom sometime this week. Promise.

-J